The internet is a funny place. It’s a place where we share so much of ourselves and yet, nothing at all. It’s a place for us to share our thoughts, our words, our art, our pictures, but can we actually ever share ourselves in such a venue?
I started The Natural Lens with a goal to be authentic and real and genuine. I so highly value authenticity in relationships, and I wanted to be that way with you, my unknown audience. Over the last year and a half, a lot, A LOT has happened in my family’s life. Most of it I haven’t written about or mentioned online. Most of it I’ve stayed mum about, because how can you open yourself up to just anyone who stumbles across and starts reading? Although, since I’m being honest, I’m less worried about the random strangers who read this blog and more concerned with those I know in real life who would seek to use my words against me or those I care about.
And yet, in the social media realm, I’ve shared enough where people feel like they know me. People assume because I post, but they don’t actually ask. People I would open my heart to take the nebulous vapors about my life that I allow to seep out, and they content themselves that we are connected. They grasp ahold of that thin film of reality and call it a day.
I’m tired. I’m tired of superficial relationships. I’m tired of desiring depth only to be met with shallowness. I’m tired of being hurt and I’m tired of dancing around the details. I want to share fully and be fully known. I am not an idiot – I know that kind of connection does not/can not/should not happen in the realm of social media. It must happen within true community, people we live life with and can be known by – beyond what we allow on social media. And yet, here I am. Reaching out for that kind of connection and getting silence.
I don’t know if any of this means I’ll be blogging more often. My goal was to be genuine on here and share, something that present circumstances haven’t truly allowed. But as I’m often met with silence (or panic) when I try to reach out in real life, I feel like maybe writing may be my best course of action. Once upon a time, I was good at it. I was able to express myself and uncork the flood of thoughts and emotions. Writing was cathartic and helpful. Maybe in lieu of authentic real-life relationships, this is where I need to start? Maybe it’s time I pull back the veil and share – share the ugliness, the joys, the heartaches and the truths. I don’t know.
…I just don’t know.
The Natural Lens 