It’s December 5th. Less than 3 weeks until Christmas. How ya feeling? Do you feel all warm and fuzzy and present and ready to celebrate and host and soak in the magic of Christmas? Or, do you feel like I do? A little overwhelmed by the gifts to get, the boxes to wrap, the groceries to be bought, the parties to plan? Raise your hand if December feels less joyful than you want and expect it to be. Raise your hand if you feel a little guilty just longing for December 26th. Raise your hand if Christmastime is equally awesome and awful….
Is it just me? I don’t think so. I think there’s this undercurrent of guilt over admitting that Christmastime isn’t as magical as we’re wanting, as jolly as culture makes it out to be. Christmas has become a drug, a high we chase after year after year. And year after year, we feel shame in admitting that the trappings of Christmas aren’t enough. We silently realize that we are disappointed by our life, ourselves, our circumstances, but we bury those feelings under Christmas facade that things are good. We go through the motions of buying gifts, attending holiday parties, decorating cookies, decking out our homes. We numb ourselves with holiday drinks or Hallmark movies (for the love of actual art, please find a different outlet), and while there are brief glimpses of the joy of Christmas – we mostly feel unfulfilled and run ragged by it all. And when the day after Christmas rolls around, the gifts are opened, the food is eaten and the family goes home, we feel a little relieved, but also a little let down; a little disappointed that life is still hard and that the glow of Christmas didn’t fix everything.
I can’t be the only one, right? All year long we look forward to the Christmas season, and when it’s here, we love it (but kind of secretly hate it). We’ve believed the narrative that even if everything else in our lives has gone to shit it can be cured (or at least blissfully ignored) during Christmas. We hold a full social calendar, or a new romantic relationship, or being with family for Christmas as the fix-all. And yet….does that work? In my own life, the busy-ness and hectic pace of life around Christmas makes me angry. I love the glow of the Christmas tree – I hate the process of putting it up with so many “helpful hands” around. I love the taste of all the cookies but man, do I feel awful after eating them. At a time when I want to just sit and be and soak in the good cheer, I find myself feeling dissatisfied and angry about the disparity between the ideal and the reality, acutely aware of my Scroogeness when I want to be Tiny Tim.
If you’re in that boat with me, take heart. Christmas is so much more robust than we know. It’s not just Christmas but ADVENT. Advent, the season of waiting and expectancy. The season of acknowledging that all is not as it should be, but holding hope for the promised better future. Amidst the excitement for Christmas day and the warm and fuzzy feelings of Starbucks holiday cups, lovely glowing lights and gatherings with our nearest and dearest – there is this waiting, this expectancy that something will change and something HAS changed. The deepest longings of our souls has been satisfied. Now we need it actualized.
The expectancy and hope we have isn’t in a Christmas feeling or time with family or in the comfort of Christmas traditions. The hope we have is that in the darkness, in the suffering, in the dissatisfactions of life, Light breaks through. As Christ-followers we call this season Advent. It’s more than the hope of numbing ourselves for a few weeks, and instead it’s the echo of our hearts that something is broken, but the Fixer is on the way. We live in the tension of “almost, but not yet.” We recognize during this time that while coziness and coffee and family and friends and trees and traditions are all well and good – they can’t satisfy the emptiness we confront the other 11 months of the year. The Baby King has come, and he has redeemed. He broke into history and breaks into our hearts, so our hearts don’t have to be broken by the world.
Most years, I end up on the wrong side of December absolutely exhausted and overwhelmed and just heavy with all the food and fun and stuff we’ve gotten over the previous weeks. This Advent, we’re trying a little something different in our house. Instead of a breakneck race toward Christmas Eve and Christmas day, we’re taking time each morning to read the prophecies of Jesus and then do an Advent “gift.” The first night kicked off with candy canes (baaaaaad idea) but mostly we’ve been enjoying activities together. We’re talking about Jesus and Santa and the differences. We’re trying to be more present with one another and honoring God in how we celebrate the birth of His Son.
I’m still sucking at it, but for the first time, I’m not as worried about having an epic Christmas or doing all the Christmasy things. I’m truly just trying to enjoy this season, and recognizing that when things go wrong, my kids are crazy, activities aren’t as fun as I’d like…that’s what Advent is about. It’s about the recognizing that this longing for peace and joy and calm and merriment is normal. It’s just not here yet. Jesus’ birth ushers in the beginning of a new era and a new life, but we’re not to that perfect celebration yet. We’re living in the tension that redemption has begun, but not finished. I believe we can find joy in that tension too. Joy in knowing that Jesus came, not only to redeem the hearts and lives of people 2,000 years ago, but that he also came to redeem our hearts and lives. There is joy in realizing he knew what we needed, even then, and even now, he’s working toward that perfect Christmas feeling – all year long.
The Natural Lens 