Faith & Religion, family life

I Wish

When Big Easy was born, we had a party to celebrate him, and many of our friends came and signed a canvas of prayers for him. One friend said, “We pray you inherit your mama’s genuine honesty.” At first, I wondered if it was a backhanded slight, but the more I have read it, I am thankful that my friends trust that I will speak truth to them. I rarely do it in the most loving manner, and I often struggle against my southern tendency to couch it in something akin to “bless your heart.” But nevertheless, I want to be honest and genuine.

In that spirit, I need to share that I am hurting today. As I sit and try to read and try to pray, all I can do is weep and ask God, “Why?” Yesterday, my husband received news of someone close to us that passed away very unexpectedly – someone my husband loved like a brother. And though we believe he’s now in heaven with Jesus, and though we believe that THAT is the ultimate healing of body and spirit, I am angry and incredibly sad. I wish that he had had more time. I wish his life had been easier. I wish I had hugged him harder last time I saw him.

All week I had been planning on posting something more positive, a better representation of what I know in my heart to be true about this world. But today, I can’t. I’m overwhelmed with the evil of the world, the brokenness of this mortal coil. I’m hit anew with the depths of pain that sin wreaks. I’m trying to cling to Christ and the beautiful story of redemption he’s already written. Christ redeems broken lives, broken families, broken hearts. He offers hope for the hurting and comfort for the crying.

So today, I am working to throw myself into the deep ocean of grace he offers and let myself sink in completely. In the midst of the hardness of this world, full of anger and sadness, I know Christ is truly sweeter. I am grateful I can say, “….but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ…and raised us up with him…so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” (Ephesians 2:4-7).

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